One Man Writes and Then I Respond In Kind

One Man Writes:
I have held my breath for three minutes and 20 seconds – twice. I attended Woodstock '94 and even had a VIP pass. I graduated high school with a 1.5 GPA. I nearly doubled my GPA when I graduated from college. I have visited all 50 states. I once faked being sick from school for two weeks. I took piano lessons for seven years. I hate rap. My favorite color is green. I'm a Libra. I can stop a moving fan with my tongue. I do one-armed push-ups when I'm drunk. The fastest I've driven a car is 123 MPH. I've had a gun pulled on me. I own one share of the Green Bay Packers. When I was a kid, I used to attend professional wrestling matches. I've attended a taping of Jay Leno's Tonight Show. I've been to the Charles Manson murder sights. I've had the same Email address since 1995. I despise coffee. I love buffets. I can talk backwards. I can sing the Flintstones theme backwards. I'm a published author. I once hit a deer. I came very close to running over a moose. I've seen grizzly bears in the wild. I've touched a live shark. I've swam with dolphins. I saw the very last Brewers game played in County Stadium . I saw the very first Brewers game played in Miller Park. I've seen Bill Clinton give a speech. I hate spiders and snakes. I've snacked on sliced pickles dipped in peanut butter. I don't eat vegetables. (I wish I did though) My longest phone call lasted over 10 hours. I was a juvenile delinquent. My 8th grade English teacher said he wanted to beat the shit out of me. My 7th grade reading teacher choked me. My middle school principal used to drink alcohol while yelling at me. I was 2.5 months shy of age 17 before I got drunk for the first time. I lost my virginity when I was 14. I have jumped off and onto a moving train. (Slow moving) I am very shy. Although I'm very shy, I enjoy public speaking. My favorite movie is Star Wars. I have over 3000 movies in my collection. I've been known to eat an entire Tombstone pizza in one sitting. My nickname is "The Walrus." My nickname comes from the Beatles song "I Am The Walrus." I have been known to karaoke. I once went skydiving. I've thrown up at school. I don't know anything about cars. I own a machete. I have a 60-pound tin foil ball. I spent two years working as a repo man in Milwaukee 's inner city. I appeared as an extra in an episode of "Martial Law." I've twice seen Paul McCartney in concert. My great, great, great grandpa was a friend of Abraham Lincoln. I've never eaten Spam. As a kid, I once started my garage on fire. I fell 15 feet out of a tree and got a concussion. I've never been in a fight. I can't stand smoking. I got kicked out of two Sunday school classes in 4th grade. I was once going 65 MPH, on an exit ramp, when my brakes gave out. I love hot baths. I once attended a Florida Marlins game, as a guest of the owner. People tell me I look younger than I am. I've had the same cell phone number since 1998. I have crawled on the grave of William Howard Taft. I've seen a Red Sox game in Fenway Park . I once videotaped a friend of a friend throwing up. I once turned down a date with a stripper. (She was dumb as a box of rocks). I once slammed three fingers in a car door. The door shut all the way. I've ridden an elephant. I have a crush on Natalie Portman. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I have always voted Democrat. I've had sex in 41 states. I once got chased by a crazy man in a bloody butcher's smock. I'm presently learning to play the guitar. My grandpa was a commander in the Navy during WWII. I've snorkeled in the Pacific Ocean , and have seen an eel an octopus and turtles. I've had a bullet blow up in my face. Years of video games has given me great hand/eye coordination. In the first grade, I broke my left foot in a merry-go-round accident. I've ridden on the hood of a car. I once tried on panty hose. I didn't feel sexy. I once blew the door off a microwave by blowing up an egg inside of it. I was once a radio DJ. I still have my radio license. I'm not a big fan of cream cheese. I've dipped my fingers in the Great Salt Lake . It smells! I've seen wild buffalo on Antelope Island . I don't dance. I can only do slow dances at weddings. I want to set foot on all seven continents before I die. I've been to Graceland . I saw Robin Yount get his 3000th career hit. I'm a really nice guy. I'm an avid listener of Howard Stern's radio show. I can change my clothes while driving. I made my first Chia Pet in 2008. I plan to buy a hot tub and a swimming pool. I can slightly wiggle my ears. I have a couple of blogs. According to the Chinese calendar, I am a metal pig. I'm a very good listener. I haven't been without a pet cat or dog since I was two-years-old. I have never played golf. Chinese food and ham used to disgust me. Now I like both. I'm strangely amused by the word "penis." In restaurants I drink Mountain Dew. At home I drink Diet Coke. My longest-lasting friendship is going on 25 years. I have a deed to the Earth. I have walked within two feet of live, flowing lava. Unlike most of my gender, I know almost nothing about cars or tools. Reese's Pieces is my favorite candy. I have done volunteer work. I have touched the Alaskan pipeline. I've swam nude at a nude beach. I'm a firm believer in cheap sunglasses. I've received a second concussion when a flashlight fell on my head. I've had stitches over each eye. My IQ has been tested at 137. I have a theory on "wet rain" and "dry rain." My only tattoo is of a walrus on my upper left arm. I've been on a railroad bridge with my head inches below a moving train. The first time I inhaled a cigarette was the last time I inhaled a cigarette. I wrote for my college newspaper. I hate beer. I own a full-sized standup arcade game. I opened my first bottle of wine in May, 2008. I am teaching myself how to cook.
What is your age, height and weight please?


I am over 35, 5'11" and 133lbs

I like what you wrote.

I will say this:

My name is not a secret.
I play percussives, sometimes off beat.
I can hit notes above a High C.
I am a Leo
I used to swallow tons of Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum
I used to pitch softball
I won the 50 yard dash every year growing up
I was a first rate hurdler until I injured my neck
I LOVE volleyball
I can write like a bat out of hell
I drowned once in CO
I can spin fire, I have poi
I have swam at a nude beach in New Jersey
I sell Radio and it is not going well.
I am going to return to bartending to supplement my income.
I have been considered an industry expert in Real Estate.
I cannot wait to write a book.
I have been married.
I have divorced.
I hung with Sean Lennon for 2.5 hours chatting at The Safe House.
I regret not grabbing his crotch.
The same week I was backstage for The Stooges.
My best friend died on my Birthday.
Best friends usually supplement as Body guards, and watch my back.
I can fill a room with ex-boyfriends who admire my musical talents and looks and mind.
That amuses me, and I thank the Lord for those blessings.
I puked in Aspen once and burned my finger on the car lighter, as a child
I do not enjoy thug-like bikers
I hate heavy metal screamers
I could sing a note for almost two minutes or more in vocal class circa 1993
I love fairy food candy
I love malted milk balls
I abhor Cocaine users
I have driven 115 mph
I wish the world was more perfect
I like Popeye far more than Brutus
My last boyfriend chose Brutus - I dumped him for that among other reasons-as well he sort of reminded me of my ex husband
I admire elegant chantueses, and cannot wait to fill that role permanently.
I am accused of vacillating.
I have been abused by men.
I, I, I, I.
I was a stagehand at Northern Light Theater.
A woman screaming from a Balustrade is a Bukowski line.
I want to tour all the continents
I played pingpong on the back of my limo
I have my passport
I have been fired once for unknown reasons
I was a skip out artist in high school
I was a forger in high school
Friends would give me their cars in high school, though I had no license
I cannot sleep when I have dirty teeth
I like taking photgraphs
I can scat in strange sounds
I love flossing my teeth
I actually enjoy going to mass
My Grandfather accidently shot and killed his Mother cleaning his gun
My Grandfather dated Great Aunt Jenny prior to marrying Grandma Astrid
I used to play house daily, and had a Rub a Dub Dolly named Julie
I have friends who have been on Lettermen.
I consider myself to be 'world religion'.
I created the term 'Opportunity Jazz' (you've heard of Free Jazz?)
I saw the Father of Free Jazz, Ornette Coleman, pass out at Bonarroo Music Fest in 07
I also created the term 'Enviromental Art', and Manuel Neri (UC Berkeley Prof.) embraced it
I have a piece of Environmental Art hanging at Manuel Neri's house
I have met Jay Leno.
I quit driving UPS, hated it.
Julio Eglesias' wife cried on my shoulder.
I am a super mind.
I am a wordsmith.
I am a thinktank.
I have good self esteem.
I believe that I worked in the battlefield and my duty was to pull our soldiers, who had fallen, back to the good side.
I once made a mistake and pulled one off the field in camoflage.
It broke my wing.
He drank from the toilet while drunk.
I finally asked for a transfer.
Evidently I get to write about it soon.My children are in College.
My son is 6'8".
I had my kids early.
I am constantly told that I look younger than I am.
When people say that they are pathetic, usually
I think that a golf course is a good place for women to pick up a date-in theory-have not tried it myself
I am told by my friends that I should be a model because I am 'statuesque'
My friends are either genius or much older than I, or both.
I have 5 sisters
I once threw a dart at a balloon and hit my Dad in the leg.
Twice.
I organized the CYO buddies in my class to steal the church leaders wine, Joe scaled the building and tossed it down we all ran
We drank it in my sisters car
I introduced my best girlfriend to her best boyfriend and he later killed himself, she no longer speaks to me, but lives in KY
My first boyfriend was molested by a school teacher and then a neighbor
or vice versa
My second boyfriend was molested by his Father's lover
My best friends boyfriend was molested by a doctor and we walked in on it
My other best friend was molested by the same doctor first
My third boyfriend is dead
My fourth boyfriend is a drunk
I once had a boyfriend sit on me for two hours, insisting that we get engaged
He was drunk too, and I didn't do it
I found a 1/2 pound of pot in a field and gave it to Rocky Doider for 20 bucks
Rocky died young
I used to brag that I love marijuana, until my business partner got furious about that
My business partner has used two of his three strikes in No. Ca., and is over 60 now, and fears going to jail.
I used to create myspace pages in my spare time for people I admire.
I admire Richard vonMagnus.
I admire the work of Peter Jay Huiras.
I am too nice.
I am a cobra.
I am
I get literal and figurative.
I live in a Miller mansion.
I have owned earth and sky.
I no longer own my own earth and sky, except for the view and what I borrow when I walk.
My favorite movie is Fiddler on the Roof and then West Side Story
My favorite color remains a toss up between all the colors
I like Art Bell
I think I should have named my son Frank instead of Robert
There is a famous song that has my name in it- Barbara Ellen
I am too strong.
I am too weak.
I am a paradox.
I stopped being altruistic.
I do not want to ever demand reciprocity ever again.
I have a book collection
I love Nina Simone
I lived outside of the Bay area
I have met alot of celebrities
I consider myself to be a celebrity
I will have a small part shown nationally in a full length feature film next year
I am almost appraoaching the new 30
I have a WARDROBE
I bought a limo as a practical joke
I really bought it as a prop
That money was foolishly spent
I bought it because I was in love.
I am long and white just like my limo was
I drink my mocha tall and single just like me.
I love to make funnies.
I was once traveling South on 124th street approaching a light on Cleveland and My brakes went out.
I have been in 3 accidents with a semi
I went to get my CDLA lic. to ensure further prosperity, but then let my temps run out.
I bailed out on a bartending job one Halloween, actually did a 'no show no call'
I rarely fart.
I am the highest soprano in the state
I have a key to the city
I grow my hair because I think that is a good quality for a vocalist.
I feel alienated by women because I have 5 sisters.
I have two different colored eyes.
I have a man-made Theremin.
I went to Burning Man.
I love children more than adults.
I oppose war.
I want to turn Steinbeck's 'Johhny Bear' into a puppetshow and will
I will kill you if you let the cultural cat out of the bag
I make idle threats over lifeswork, but really will kill you if it gets produced before I do it
I raised my children by myself
I asked Duke Robillard if he had any pot in Monterey
I can be taken anywhere except into a slummy smokey bar
I will throw a shit fit if I am held up to the same standards as a piece of crap
I want people who know me to have high standards
I am a holy person
I am an opinionated person
I am not judgemental
okay, I am, but I do not mean to be
My kids adore me but feel I am a hypocrite sometimes
I need to get away from the madness
I am hurt by society
I want to travel more
I want to give more
I told a lie over and over again, I'm sure, probably b/c it was funny
I am not cynical
I try to hurt no one
I used to model for a Medici, she had 3 popes in her family and Nostradamus
I think Sir Thomas Aquina writes in puzzles
Mr. Pettit once gave me a $100 tip
I got a NET AID artist pass
Chris Robinson had an infatuation with me for a time, I think
I went to NYC and met Jimmy Page
I once held Genglers head as he puked on the golf course
When Grandma Rosemary passed away, I drank 6 martinis in her honor and was carried home and placed in front of the toilet by my nice boyfriend.
My flute player buddy performed with both Janis and Jimmi
I need my fillings covered by white stuff that they use now
I am doing well considering that I rarely have had health insurance
I used to work full-time and still qualified for welfare
I have been to the food bank a few times
My parents are alive and well
My Father is mellow
My Mother is complicated yet simplistic
I am multifaceted
My roommate wants to make music but I am writing
I have icecream in the freezer
I used to smoke cigarerettes, but HATE them now
I was obsessed with honesty in raising my children
My children to not smoke and rarely drink
I hate the prevalent alcoholism in WI
My last boyfriend was illiterate but looked completely normal
His dyslexia may have been retardation by the way he acted once the veil was removed
It hurt us both
I am in shock still
I have never been arrested, not really.
I climbed out a window and sat on a ledge without fear and completely out of my mind
I beleieve that I have matured since then and have put much more in perpective
I am an intellectual giant at times.
Othertimes I am not.
I really thought that I was being a stunt woman.
I CAN read minds
It is difficult to be so sensitive to the energy of others to the point where I can almost read anyone at anytime like an open book
I am very good at what I do, and that sets the bar very high for myself and those around me
I ran stages at S um / merfes t (they transcribe to any use of the name on the internet---it comes to them on a ticker tape of fax- so I must alter it)
I was told that I am the only woman to have done that, but I have not verified that
I enjoy Napa
I believe that since Napa does not support grapes naturally, the region should commence the manufacturing of wines, and halt planting grapes
I think France should stop burning the grape fields
I need to lecture women on abuse
I should go back to College and get a bigger and better degree, and want to
I hate smokers
I hate alcoholics and drug abusers
My heavy sisters think I am skinny because of illicit behavior and I feel that abusive thought
I can write for hours and not blink an eye
What else do you want to know about me
I was kicked in the face by my husband with steel tipped boots on, approx 15 years ago.
I was on the floor making Easter baskets
I desire reconnecting with past dear friends
I suffered post traumatic stress disorder as a result, many many years ago
I like Gore Vidal
I read ALL of Atlas Shrugged
Ayn Rand was related to The Kennedy's
I suggest that you get some sun
I suggest that you use suncreen
I will always be a Mother, Matter. Madre
Weak men feel very comforted by my strengths
I saw Spike and Ikes animated Sick and Twisted Film Fest at The Palace of Fine Arts in San Fran circa 1993
I stayed at Mrs. Buffets condo in Twin Peaks once when travelling with a violin-maker.
I have asked millionaires to lend me money, but they said nope but wanted marriage instead and they tried to force trick and coerce me
Weak men are my weakness, but I am changing, pity isnt pretty
I need to stay among men so strong that they love and adore my strengths
Those men are few and far between
My dog Goose was a big loss and leaves a sadness within me
I have been tortured by life and will rise above this again and again
I shall overcome
You shall overcome
We shall overcome
She has the whole world in her hands
I need icecream right now to accompany that popcorn I just ate
I treat myself really really well
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen
I am an actress by nature
I am sincere
My first true love was Paul Simon
I think that Actress Natalie Portman is short
I think that a tall woman is superior to a short woman, usually but not always, still mostly
God save the Queen
I like big noses
I have a bigger nose than say...uh Natalie Portman
I was born in the late sixties
I am not absorped with dating anyone younger than myself, generally speaking
I refuse to count the stanzas
I need a warmer winter
I can dance better than you would believe
I have met Bill Haley and the Comets
I studied Journalism in college
My English teacher cried for me and it killed me to see him raging in tears over my bruised face
I met Arun Gandhi, and he spoke about alternatives to violence
My son asked that he say 'hello' to his Grandpa for us, and then excitedly said 'oh that is right, he dies at the end of the movie'.
My daughter did not speak for almost her first two years of life, and then she said 'I'm a hungry bungry ice cream lungry'.
Her first real word was 'Grammafornia'
I have famous friends, and wonder why I am sooo lucky
I pray daily and sometimes for many hours
I like Dr. Pepper
I am affectionate
I furrow my brow in thought
My eyes need glasses
My throat is chronically sore and has a small growth in the scar tissue where my tonsils used to be
My first dog was an Irish Setter
I have moved approx 20 times
I collect hats and wear then no matter how awful
I will send this now so it goes before yahoo runs out
Thank you for the excercise...you can hit me back, if you want...
The world needs friends, and at the very least we have shared a few moments sharing.
Ja/God/Whathave you Bless you

Barbara